Failed Products
by mountaindude
Summary: Just a simple story about a few Naruto products that were banned by the government. I can't write summeries to save my life, so just read it if you want to.


**Failed Products**

**What up people? I thought I'd try my luck at doing a Naruto story for a change. This is about a line of Naruto products that didn't make it to Wal-Mart, but Jiraya has decided to put in his store, "The Hermit House". HOOPLAH!! (That is one of 2 of my catchphrases. The other one is "Darn you people!")**

"Hey everybody!" Shouted a very happy Jiraya. "Here at "The Hermit House", our motto is:………okay, we don't have a motto, but we do have every Naruto product you could imagine, even some that were banned by "The Really Big and Scary Government Dictators." Some of our products include: Shonen Jump, kunai pouches, Tsunade's underwear…"

"WHAT?!" Tsunade screamed as she busted down the door. "You old pervert! I wondered where my underwear kept going! Have you been in my house again?!"

"Tsunade!" He yelled taking the panties off his head. "Uhh, no! What gave you that idea?" He said burning the panties behind his back.

Tsunade started to roll up her sleeve and put her hand into a fist. "Jirayaaaa…" She said evilly as she walked over to him.

"T-Tsunade! Please! Calm down, I…"  
**SMACK  
**"Looks like Team Pervert's blasting off agaaaaiiinnn…!" DING

**Time Passes**

After Jiraya landed back down and recovered, he took anyone reading this to the back room of his shop.

"It may be the concussion I've suffered, but I'm going to show you the-

**DRAMATIC MUSIC**

-forbidden products!" He said as he pulled back a curtain, revealing a shelf that held some creepy looking objects. He then pulled a bottle of what looked like root beer off it.

"This one is my own invention. I call it, Pervert Punch! (Now in root beer or grape flavors) What say we go try it out?" He said as he walked out of the store and headed towards the pub.

**Product 1---Pervert Punch**

"I call it Pervert Punch because whoever drinks it, temporarily becomes…well, like me!" He said excitedly as he entered the pub. And on a chair, was…Hinata! And she had like 57 empty bottles of root beer next to her. (We all know about Hinata's problem with root beer!)

"N-Naruto…" She said as she put her head down on the table. Jiraya took this opportunity to put his "special bottle" in front of her.

She looked up at it just after Jiraya ran off.

"Ugh. I need this right now." She said putting the bottle to her mouth.

"…WOW!" She screamed, causing the bartender to drop the bottle he was polishing, hit his head on the shelf above him when he jumped, and land on his face. "Suddenly, I feel like going over to Naruto's house and doing stuff with him!" She stood up with her fist clenched.

She ran out of the pub, and started to walk to Naruto's house.

"Let's go watch this unfold." Jiraya said smiling.

As Hinata was walking down the street, waving her arms by her sides and smiling, Neji walked by her.

"Lady Hinata. How are you?" He said, obviously trying to hold back a grimace.

Hinata slowly turned to him. "N-Neji...HOW ARE YA' CUZ?!" She shouted running at him. She then gave him a big hug. I mean a choking hug.

"L-Lady Hinata?! What's the matter with you?!" Neji yelled trying to peel off Hinata before he passed out…too late.

"Oops, he he! I'm so clumsy sometimes!" She said pulling Neji into the shadows so no one would see what looked like a murder. "Anyway, to Naruto!" She shouted raising her fist in the air.

**More Time Passes**

Hinata went up to Naruto's door and knocked. No one answered.  
She knocked again. Still nothing.

"Huff!" She said puffing up her cheeks anime style. "Where is he?" She decided to take a closer look inside…

**WHACK**

She busted down the door and went inside.

"Uh-oh, better fix that." She said. She reached off-screen, and pulled a Harry Potter movie halfway across the show. She then pulled Hermione into Naruto's house.

"What the-? Where am I?!" She asked Hinata.

Hinata then pointed to the broken door on the ground.

"Oh." Hermione pointed her wand at the door. "Occulous, Repairo." She stated. The door then started to rise and repair itself.

"Thanks." Hinata said. She then pushed Hermione back into her own show.

"Now then…" She said. "BYAKUGAN!" (Did I spell that right?)

She looked around a little, seeing through all the walls. When she looked at the bathroom, she saw that the shower was running. When she looked closer, well…

"N-Naruto's...he's...EEEEEEE!" She blushed.

Jiraya was watching the entire thing from behind a couch.

"He he he! This is going in my book!" He said writing down what was happening. "This is where the Pervert Punch takes over." He said.

Hinata suddenly started to walk over to the bathroom door.

"W-what?! What am I doing? I don't want to go in there!" Hinata said trying to pull her hand away from the doorknob. "**Yes you do!"** Someone only Hinata could hear said.

"Aaahhh…it's starting. Hinata's perverted side is trying to take over her body." Jiraya said rubbing his chin with his hand.

"No! I can't let Naruto think of me like that!" Hinata said grabbing her head. **"Tsk. Who cares as long as he likes you? Here, let me show you how to get a guy." **Pervert Hinata said as she took complete control of Hinata's body.

"Ahhh. Feels good to finally be free." She said as she opened the door to the bathroom. And there stood Naruto in a towel.

"Hinata!! How did you-why are you here? He asked Hinata nervously.

"Well, I just thought I'd come give you some…company." She said walking up to him.

"Uhhh…thanks, but I'm kinda in a towel right now, so can you come back later?..." He said slowly while backing up. Only he slipped on some water on the floor and landed so his towel was pushed up.

"Hello!" Hinata said looking at Naruto as he quickly stood up.

"H-Hinata, can you please get out of my shower?" Naruto pleaded as she came even closer.

"But I'm already here Naruto. And you wouldn't want me to have to walk all the way over here again, would you?" She said leaning to him. She then closed the door.

**Outside Naruto's Apartment**

Random people (and Jiraya who had left after Hinata closed the door) were walking down the street when they suddenly heard a-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
-scream. Naruto had just busted out of his house through the bathroom wall, in his towel, and was running down the street with Hinata chasing after him.

"Leave me alone!" He shouted.

"NEVER!!" She shouted back.

About 30 feet from where Naruto and Hinata were running, Neji had just woken up and got in the street…

"Ow…I wonder what happened to Lady Hinata to make her do that." He said. Then, he heard a faint yell getting stronger every second. When he looked at the source of the sound, he suddenly got very scared. A half-naked Naruto and blushing/drunk Hinata were running down at him at about 70 miles per hour.

"Neji!" Naruto suddenly shouted. He then pulled Neji by the collar of his shirt, and flung him at Hinata.

"Oof!" They both said as they collided with each other.

After about 30 seconds, Hinata got up and looked down at Neji. His eyes were replaced by spirals, signifying that he was out cold.

"Naruto…" She licked her lips. "You won't get away that easily…" She said as she ran down after him. (And leaving Neji all alone. T.T)

"I should hope not." Jiraya said as he scribbled down notes for his book.

READ THE AUTHOR NOTES!

**Okay people. That's chapter one of this Fic. Tell me what you think, and if you have any ideas for Naruto merchandise that didn't make it to the shelves, tell me. It just might be included in this story. HOOPLAH!!**


End file.
